It happened that this past Sunday morning I was asked to go with friends to a different church. I have really been wanting to go to see if this might become our new church home. We've tried some different places; nothing has felt like 'home' so far. I miss the worship and the fellowship, but things happen and you can't always...well, anyway...I felt that I really needed to just stay home and spend some time in prayer with God. Just cry out to my Father. There are just so many things happening, and I don't want to mess it up, you know? Things that I need guidance on that only He can give. So, I got on my knees and I cried out to God.
I don't know how long I was there...didn't keep track, but I know that it was a deep crying that came from my guts. It hurt. I just poured out my heart, and I repented of my sin. I asked God for forgiveness, to show me what I needed to change, to bring things to my mind that I needed to repent of and to pray about, to bring people and situations to my mind that I needed to pray for...and He did! I'm amazed, but at the same time, I'm not. It's the strangest thing. How can I describe it?
It's sort of like when I was a little girl...a long, long time ago. My daddy was the most important person in my life. When I knew I had done something I wasn't supposed to, or got caught doing something, I would go to my daddy, stand in front of him not really wanting to speak up until he acknowledged my presence, start crying and tell him what I had done. My daddy would look at me and listen to what I said, to all of the excuses I was making and then he would reach down and pull me up on his lap. He would tell me that he was disappointed in the way that I had behaved, but that he loved me no matter what and that we would work it out. He would wrap his big arms around me, hold me while I cried, talked with me, hug me tight and just let me cuddle on his lap. After awhile he would start to tickle me to make me laugh. I knew that no matter what I had done that I belonged to him. He was my daddy and he loved me no matter what. He might have to spank me with those famous words...this is going to hurt me more than it does you, but he was teaching me that there are consequences to my actions. That's how I see it. I know that I belong to God. I am His child. I know that God loves me no matter what, but when I do things that aren't right, it disappoints Him...it doesn't change His love for me. There are consequences, but after letting me just sit there with Him for awhile, letting me talk with Him, He brings me joy...tickles me.
In a few days, 30 years ago, my daddy took his own life. He did a lot of things that weren't right. He left me with guilt that maybe I could've done something to help him, he left me angry at God...he left me. He wasn't perfect, he was just a man. I miss him. It took me a long time to trust God, but I learned to trust him. God is the perfect Father. God loves us so much. He wants us to come to Him. He won't abandon us. He is always there. We can trust Him because He keeps His promises...He is faithful.
My prayer is that whether your earthly father is/was in your life, good or bad, that you see God as the perfect Father. It is a great memory for me being in my daddy's lap. As warm and wonderful as I remember it to be, nothing can compare to the love, peace, comfort and joy of God's arms wrapped around me...as I sit in my Father's lap.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
The Purpose...
Every morning when I wake up, I grab a cup of coffee and head out to the porch. I tell the Lord good morning and have my prayer time out there. I listen to the birds sing. Most mornings I close my eyes, feel the sun on my face and talk to God. It's my favorite time of day, and it's when I feel closest to Him.
Lots of things have happened out there. I have cried out to God many times from the porch. I have praised Him out there on the porch. I have giggled and just thanked Him for what it is He just happens to be teaching me....out there on the porch.
I have a lot of thoughts about people and things, and really great conversation...out there on the porch. That's the purpose. To share what God is teaching me and the things He is teaching me through others. I can't keep these things to myself! It's too awesome.
Grab a cup of coffee and join me, won't you...out on the porch.
Lots of things have happened out there. I have cried out to God many times from the porch. I have praised Him out there on the porch. I have giggled and just thanked Him for what it is He just happens to be teaching me....out there on the porch.
I have a lot of thoughts about people and things, and really great conversation...out there on the porch. That's the purpose. To share what God is teaching me and the things He is teaching me through others. I can't keep these things to myself! It's too awesome.
Grab a cup of coffee and join me, won't you...out on the porch.
Spiritual Condition...
Just bear with me. Maybe this will sound a little strange...I don't know. I've been doing a lot of thinking and even more praying. Been doing devotions and God is really speaking to me. On the one hand, it's been really hard. He has shown me the things that I need to change in my life...the way that I need to act, to speak, to listen, to do and to love. How to be like my Savior. Showing me my spiritual condition over the past several months...ok, years. Then, on the other hand, He has been spelling out in no uncertain terms how much He loves me, that He is, and always has been, there for me, that I am to follow Him and that what I put in His hands, I am to leave in His more than capable hands. I am not to put my faith in people or things, I am to put my faith only in Him and Him alone!
My spiritual condition has been good at times. There have been times that I have never felt more close to the Lord, and it has been the most awesome time of my life. That is 'for true'! Sadly though,and I'm being very honest here, there have been times of desertion. Not by God, but by me. I went A.W.O.L. Those were the times when I've been too prideful or too hurt or just plain angry to even want to be a part of what God has to offer. The simple and sad truth about those times is that I just walked away from Him and His people. My relationship with the One I love more than anything in my life came to a total and complete standstill. It was devastating, and I've never felt more alone. God forgive me for acting like a 2-year old!
But, because GOD is good, He opens our eyes to the truth. He guides us into HIS truth. Not our truth and not someone else's. He has gotten me to the point that even though my heart is broken over broken relationships, things people have said or done, things that I have said or done, and countless other things that are affecting my life, He is the One that heals. He is the One that knows. He is the One that gives. He is the One that takes away. He is the One that blesses. He is the One that curses. He is the One that exacts revenge because His way is true and right, swift and just. He is the One that provides peace. He is the One that keeps His promises. He is the One who forgives. He is the One that loves more than we can even imagine. He is the One that can take care of whatever need you or I have.
In all honesty, it has been a very difficult year. It has been full of ups and downs...peaks and valleys, pits and solid ground. Satan has attacked not only me, but my family and friends...the people I love the most. He has caused division and made prodigals of people. He has used some of the people of God to do his dirty work. He knows his time is short. He doesn't realize he doesn't win apparently. It has been a very real time of loss; losses that I have to take some responsibility for, and I do. It has probably been one of the hardest times in my life, and yet I have to say that even with all that has happened, it has been one of the most awesome times as well. I have never, ever felt so close to the Lord. So filled with excitement at what He is doing. So amazed at what He is doing in the lives of the people in His church and in mine. Filled with anticipation when praying to see how He is going to answer those prayers. Watching in wonder as He shows me personally just how much He really does love me. And the joy! This giggly, shake-your-head-in-amazement joy that fills your heart to where you almost feel that you're going to bust wide open when you open His living Word and He shows you what He wants from you and what He has to say to you about the very thing that has been on your heart. WOW!!! It is awesome!!!!
We're all going to struggle and we're all going to have those times when we feel like giving up, but I would just say that I would a whole lot rather go through all that comes my way with the Lord than not with Him. I want to keep this joy and this peace. It makes it a whole lot easier to face anyone or anything that comes my way.
My prayer is that first you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior. I pray that God will prepare the hearts of those that don't for hearing the Gospel. I pray that the Lord brings people into the paths of those that are searching, struggling and those that are lost, that they will be bold witnesses and people of His choosing to show the way; and that the tug on hearts will be so strong, that there is no denying where it comes from. I pray for relationships to be restored because we need each other and we cannot be effective as a church and as Christians if we are not of the same mind. A house divided against itself cannot stand (Mark 3:25). I pray that we as Christians wake up and get to work. God forgive me for ever being a part of anything with anyone that would make my Jesus a laughing stalk. Please forgive me if I have hurt you or if I have been unkind to you. Please forgive my shortcomings. "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will be converted to You. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, the God of my salvation; Then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, that my mouth may declare Your praise. For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased with burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise." (Psalm 51:10-17).
Father, thank You for Your unfailing presence, mercy and love.
My spiritual condition has been good at times. There have been times that I have never felt more close to the Lord, and it has been the most awesome time of my life. That is 'for true'! Sadly though,and I'm being very honest here, there have been times of desertion. Not by God, but by me. I went A.W.O.L. Those were the times when I've been too prideful or too hurt or just plain angry to even want to be a part of what God has to offer. The simple and sad truth about those times is that I just walked away from Him and His people. My relationship with the One I love more than anything in my life came to a total and complete standstill. It was devastating, and I've never felt more alone. God forgive me for acting like a 2-year old!
But, because GOD is good, He opens our eyes to the truth. He guides us into HIS truth. Not our truth and not someone else's. He has gotten me to the point that even though my heart is broken over broken relationships, things people have said or done, things that I have said or done, and countless other things that are affecting my life, He is the One that heals. He is the One that knows. He is the One that gives. He is the One that takes away. He is the One that blesses. He is the One that curses. He is the One that exacts revenge because His way is true and right, swift and just. He is the One that provides peace. He is the One that keeps His promises. He is the One who forgives. He is the One that loves more than we can even imagine. He is the One that can take care of whatever need you or I have.
In all honesty, it has been a very difficult year. It has been full of ups and downs...peaks and valleys, pits and solid ground. Satan has attacked not only me, but my family and friends...the people I love the most. He has caused division and made prodigals of people. He has used some of the people of God to do his dirty work. He knows his time is short. He doesn't realize he doesn't win apparently. It has been a very real time of loss; losses that I have to take some responsibility for, and I do. It has probably been one of the hardest times in my life, and yet I have to say that even with all that has happened, it has been one of the most awesome times as well. I have never, ever felt so close to the Lord. So filled with excitement at what He is doing. So amazed at what He is doing in the lives of the people in His church and in mine. Filled with anticipation when praying to see how He is going to answer those prayers. Watching in wonder as He shows me personally just how much He really does love me. And the joy! This giggly, shake-your-head-in-amazement joy that fills your heart to where you almost feel that you're going to bust wide open when you open His living Word and He shows you what He wants from you and what He has to say to you about the very thing that has been on your heart. WOW!!! It is awesome!!!!
We're all going to struggle and we're all going to have those times when we feel like giving up, but I would just say that I would a whole lot rather go through all that comes my way with the Lord than not with Him. I want to keep this joy and this peace. It makes it a whole lot easier to face anyone or anything that comes my way.
My prayer is that first you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior. I pray that God will prepare the hearts of those that don't for hearing the Gospel. I pray that the Lord brings people into the paths of those that are searching, struggling and those that are lost, that they will be bold witnesses and people of His choosing to show the way; and that the tug on hearts will be so strong, that there is no denying where it comes from. I pray for relationships to be restored because we need each other and we cannot be effective as a church and as Christians if we are not of the same mind. A house divided against itself cannot stand (Mark 3:25). I pray that we as Christians wake up and get to work. God forgive me for ever being a part of anything with anyone that would make my Jesus a laughing stalk. Please forgive me if I have hurt you or if I have been unkind to you. Please forgive my shortcomings. "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will be converted to You. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, the God of my salvation; Then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, that my mouth may declare Your praise. For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased with burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise." (Psalm 51:10-17).
Father, thank You for Your unfailing presence, mercy and love.
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